The Moment You Know...

I was lucky...  Didn't know it at the time, no, at the time I thought that not only was I "unlucky", I thought I was doomed.  That for whatever reason, I drew the bad card, the short stick...  "Too young to die," was my thought...

Somehow I had gone from being a happy go lucky kid, where I used to think, "You know, Dan, no matter what you have pulled *this* time, no one will shoot you.  You can pay the piper and life will go on."  But the stark reality of high school ending, my pals heading off to college and me?  Well I was headed to Vietnam to die.  Just 18.  Just... 18...  I...  was... just... 18...

I went from "Mom, will you make sure my pants are ready tomorrow?"  To, a drill sergeant yelling at the top of his lungs, "Airman, this is your weapon!  When you run out of bullets, you swing it like a bat and kill every blankety blank Vietcong you can, until they knock you out!  And when you come to, and you are stuck in a bamboo cell that is too small for you to turn in, and you haven't eaten in days, you have soiled yourself from the dysentery, and you stink like you are dead, do NOT, I said DO NOT, give those VC's anything but your last name, your i.d. number and your rank!  If you tell them one thing more, they will kill you anyway, they will kill the man next to you and you will compromise the mission of the United States Air Force!!  ARE WE CLEAR?!!!!"  When he got to the are we clear part, he actually went hoarse and lost his voice.  I watched grown men sob themselves to sleep at night.  I saw fear, felt fear and smelled fear.  Fear so deep that the mood was always gloomy.  June, July and August in Texas, bright sunny, but the mood was gloomy.

But I was lucky...

Have you ever had *that* moment where the little things you notice around you, like that you hear birds sing, a child hum in a very happy way, you smell something baking, the snow seems to insulate the world from it's horrors, or something so wonderful like the kiss you just enjoyed was soft, tender, sweet and made you feel you had finally found home?   (I could make this pleasant list infinite!)

And at that moment, like when you realized that when you closed your hand into a fist, that all your fingers were just perfect in how they rolled in and fit so nicely?  Or that the water you were drinking was pure, clean, refreshing, in abundance for sure, yet, you had never really thought about the mountain stream it originated from, the entire process it took to get to the outside walls of your house, but then, you thought about "who plumbed my house?  did he do this for love of his craft?  or just love for a growing family who ate him out of house and home?  Who was the person who bent the copper pipes, glued the pvc, installed the faucets, who?  Did that person know me?  Did they know I would one day care?  Have I been gracious and kind?

I recall the childhood book about Horton the elephant hearing a "Who" - the micro speck of a town that held so much in BIGNESS, yet was naked to Horton's eye.  He could only hear the "Who's".

During this time in the late summer of 1972, I had a dream.  It is a very sacred memory to me.  It connected me in ways I had never thought about before and taught me some significant things I have carried all my life.  Yes, yes, I know, I don't appear to be the serious type of a person to qualify for life's mysteries to unfold and realize some of the answers.  Ok, I would agree.  But for whatever reason, that spiritual portal was opened to me.  40 years ago.  You see, what it did was spiritually sober me, true, but it was more.  It all helped me gain a personal perspective and where I fit in on this ball of mud.

I felt free!

I felt alive!

I felt a faith and a trust, as if I could fall backwards off of a 22 story building and never hit the ground!

So many of my life long questions were answered and complete.  The pure water, the important plumber, the gift of quench, which I thoroughly enjoyed...  was mine.  I grew from it.

It became the basis of my family.  My outlook.  Success, failure, bitter, sweet, no matter what, I could find strength in this realization.  Oddly, sadly though, I remained human and still have 1,000s of things to learn.  Forgiveness to ask from so many.  Forgiveness to grant to many undeserving.  Yet, peace in all things.

I wish for all who know me to know this about me.  Quietly, behind the humor, the laughter, the twinkle in my eye is my moment, my understanding and I see how this puzzle fits.  I am so grateful.  Win, lose or draw.  Its all going to be ok.  We all will.

Val Sings This To Me...

I heard this song about 20 years ago on a radio show, it was so funny I often share it whenever the subject of losing weight comes up in conversation.  Quite funny!  (I think)  You know, I don't take very good care of myself.  I eat all the wrong stuff.  I eat all the wrong stuff at all the wrong times.  I eat way too much of the wrong stuff at all the wrong times.  You who know me.  KNOW ME!  You who don't, well, you get the idea.  People often remark how great Val looks.  I think when they say that to me, what they really mean to say is, "Dan, you look awful, old, yet Val looks so young, she looks great."  Yes, she does.  I was asked last night on the way to a business dinner, "Dan how is your walking program going?"  Well, funny thing about stress, or maybe just MY? stress, is that I seem to buddy up to the refrigerator more, stay longer and the last thing I want to do is walk anywhere.  Well, except to the refrig that is!

Whenever I start to think about taking care of myself, I think about longevity and how most of my progentiors were such long livers.  My dad, nearly to 85.  My mom, 76.  My mom's folks, late 80s and early 90s.  My dad's mother, mid 90s.  I have great blood pressure, always like 122 over 70 or something.  I think my doctor wonders if I really even have a heart in there?  Yet...

I know I should do something.  I hate that I resemble this "huggin' and chalkin" song.  I really do.  I should knock off the soda.  The carbs.  I should probably eat a box car of lettuce every day and just lose weight from the calories I would burn chewing the stuff!

Ok, so thats the first part of what I wanted to get off my chest today.  The second part I want to get off my chest is today- well - my chest!  Not really...

I didn't sleep last night.  I was too excited about some new thoughts I have been having surrounding life, this world, what it must be like to feel free enough to fall backwards from a tall building and float to a safe landing, because you have no fear and all the faith you need, that everything will be ok.  Because, I see my life as being ok.  A friend asked how I feel about Val's situation.  He's a great guy, and we share a common business connnection, so we are open with one another.  I said, "You know Bill, I am so lucky she is here.  I don't really relate to what is happening.  Its like intellectually, I "get it" but internally, I feel, "really?" I mean I know she sleeps alot, she is candid about pains; where they are, what they feel like... but she never complains."  Mostly I worry about my chicklettes and drumsticks.  Mostly I worry how they will miss her.  When I watch them run into her arms, lay on her while she is watching a movie, or napping, sleep over with her when I am traveling, I do think about the void that will come.  To us all.  Our bodies are so fragile and life is so short.  Beautiful, but short.  Anyone want to join me for a Bacon Sundae?  Bring your chalk!

This isn't such a bad place to be.  Not today anyway.  I just told someone when I was asked how I was, "my glass is always full.  Always."  And you know what?  It is!

Love, Hurries Upon You...

Last Saturday, Val wasn't feeling well enough to attend a retirement party for a close friend - but she did ask me to make her a fresh strawberry/banana milkshake, which I love to do! Thick, rich... Val loves shakes!

You can't hurry love... Unless of course you are holding your newborn child in your arms, then love hurries you! Anticipating a child for 9 months seems to do amazing things to you. I still remember each of the births of our kids; Duff, Wichita Falls, Texas - Shepherd AFB, Anna, Long Beach Naval Regional Center Hospital, California, Kjrsten and Keith, Vancouver Memorial Hospital, Washington, Andrew and Marion, Tacoma General Hospital, Washington. I can list all 13 places of birth of my chicklettes and drumsticks too. The depth of family love is the most powerful thing I know. As my children have gotten married, had their own children, I've found that family love isn't diluted, it is increased, expanded, it grows. I was thinking about what my family will look like in 50 years? I will be long gone by then, but I will be watching, caring from the other side of the veil toward my family that might look something like this: Duff will be 89, Anna 86, Kjrsten 85, Keith 82, Andrew 78 and Marion 76. My math tells me that there will be 20 or so chicklettes and drumsticks, they will then be married with families of their own, so 20 become 40, with 2-4 kids each, so the next generation may well be 40-50, and on it goes. In just 50 years my own family, from what Val and I now share together will number over 100. There are towns in many parts of the world that have fewer than 100 people. Another generation would increase it all by 50-60. I imagine knowing them all. I look forward to loving them and sharing eternity with my beloved family. I once attended a family reunion for my great great grandfather in Ephraim, UT. He was a late 19th century pioneer. There were literally 1,000s of people there. It was hard to imagine so much family had come together to celebrate the life of a great man, who did so much as a frontiersman in Utah. I was in Salt Lake City today. When I am there I feel the spirits of my progenitors. I know stories of how hard life was and what they sacrificed to make a go of things. I feel deeply connected to my cousins who live there. My mother's sister, who lives in southern Utah. Just as I do about my mom's other sister in Oregon and her family. My dad still has a sister and brother who are still living. How I love them. I call whenever I think of them. I speak to my cousins who are great men and have wonderful families of their own. Family.... Everything is about family... Everything...

The Two Gardners I Know...

Just how resilient are you? Am I? About the time you think that life is too difficult to bear, the night is too dark and long, as you doze wondering how on earth you would ever have the strength to make it to daylight, you fall into a peaceful sleep. You dream. You dream dreams that are fantastic and beautiful! It is your reality. That darkest hour, the one prior to your slumber, comes to each of in many ways... We didn't get accepted into graduate school... He broke my heart, and I will never fall in love again... Why didn't that driver see my puppy? Worse, why did that driver have to drink and drive? Houses are lost to foreclosure... Jobs end, businesses fail... Health eludes someone who was once vibrant and lively... We all know the many challenges that come our way in this life... Resilience... Like a secret key... This song was written; lyrics, composition, arrangement and performed by Elton John as a tribute to John Lennon. I love the garden metaphor. Now, I know some would say (especially my dad) that John Lennon, through his music, wrought a destruction upon the generation of the 60s and thats ok. Not every artist is admired by everyone. I happen to think John Lennon was a genius and while I may not agree with many of his personal views, I can well understand this tribute song to him. But I want to focus on the garden. The two most important gardners in my life (and there have been many) are our Saviour Jesus Christ and Val. Nurturing, caring, pulling so many toward them upon a simple invitation, "Come, follow me..." Those little purple/blue flowers pictured above? You want to talk about resilience? I planted some of those 8-9 years ago. I had hoped they would spill down over our rockery (as they are now) and become a beautiful part of our "park like" back yard. Unfortunately, we have a very active back yard, tons of visitors and guests, dogs and other animals that take short cuts through the spaces where I planted these little flowers. And they were gone in one season. Just today, as I was preparing the pool and pond for the oncoming summer, I noticed these little guys. I was astounded! These guys took all those years of abuse and sure as shooting, they made it back! And they are gorgeous and their contrastiong hues are breathtaking. Hey, I am no gardner, trust me. I am clueless when it comes to such things, yet, here these little guys are! I am so thrilled. I somehow see the future that way too... Who knows the mysteries of life, yet, when we look up, "there they are!" No longer mysterious to us...

7 years, 10 months and 23 days... This cancer was supposed to have ended Val's life long ago. She doesn't know when to say "no" to anyone, about "anything". Lunch? YES! Shopping? YES! Can the chicklettes come over? The drumsticks? YES! A friend just asked me this afternoon, "Dan, should I not invite her to go and do things?" I said, "Of course you should invite her, just be aware that she will never complain, unless she wants to go to the ER..." She likes to make everyone happy. The pool... Our 14th season... I told Val today... "Well, you made it to another summer with us." (Now we'll see if she can make it to and through the holidays...) Someone said the best way to eat an elephant is, "one bite at a time." I think the best way to deal with whatever we are dealing with, doing so living, "one day at a time." Val is as resilient as these beautiful flowers now cascading over our rockery. I will always think of her when I look at them. Maybe those flowers have been gone so I could learn this lesson about being tough and coming back afterall? Gotta love the lessons!

Raquel...

My mom would have been 81 two days ago... She died suddenly on September 27, 2007. It devastated all of us, most of all my dad. The afternoon before she passed I'd stopped by the folks' home, like I had routinely done every day I was in town, since 1986, when they moved back to U.P. It was great having their home on the way to or from somewhere. Many years ago, when we all lived in Vancouver (pre-Plush Pippin pie days) dad broke his ankle while on a church youth snow outing and I would stop by in the afternoons while he was recouperating and he and I would watch and laugh the Chuck Barris production of "The Gong Show". So I guess you could say the afternoon visits started 30 years prior to mom's passing. Anyway, that sunny, warm fall afternoon of September 26, 2007, I stopped, got out of my car and as I was walking into the folks' home, I heard a friendly, quiet, "Hello, how are you?" I looked around, saw no one, thought I was hearing voices. Then again, "Hello....." I looked around the corner of the house and there, kneeling in the dirt, was mom, pulling weeds. I asked, "Mom its fall, people expect their weeds to die, get up from there." She was 76 years old. She was a lady of ladies; polite, beautiful smile, her eyes were big, happy eyes. Her holding your hand and kissing you was a genuine "tell" that you mattered and she loved you. She had the funnest giggle! I helped her up, we went into the house, after she washed up we sat at the kitchen table, dad came down from his computer upstairs and the three of us talked, as we often did, about nothing. My mom brought flowers to Val every day she had chemotherapy. Val and my mom always had had a mother daughter, close friend to friend relationship. I've read many places that people seem to more often than not seek to marry someone compatible in familial ways. Culture, religious beliefs, politics, ideals, financial backgrounds and other socioeconomic conditions that seem to connect people to one another. When I look at the cross sections of myself and Val, we share a few things of similarity, but not - at least at the beginning - as much as you might guess. Significant for me though was that Val, as a woman, is so much like my mom. She's very kind, generous, caring, polite, giving, loving and as I look backwards the last 44 years, I can see so many positive characteristics that Val and my mom share. My mom also kept her aches and pains very privately to herself. Most times Val won't fess up and tell me she isn't feeling all that great, I can read it on her face. She often will quietly slip away and then I find her sleeping. Its very sunny today and spring is finally here. Val's got new plants to pot and she loves to beautify our home. I was thinking last night when I started this post; "my life seems to be perfectly in order at the moment" and I hope you all share those sentiments with me. Life has joy all around.

Dreams of England...

I'm starting to make deals with Val. "I will if you will..." Only thing is, she can't possibly keep her end of the deal, so it lets me off the hook... For what? Oh, taking better care of myself. Exercising. Eating better. I've looked a hundred years old for the last 20-25 years, not sure it matters much anymore. Typical of people who want to intervene on poor old souls like me and put pressure on me to pay attention to something that I know I should, but somehow, it never gets crossed off my "things to do today" list. Which brings me to my thoughts lately... I had a dream recently, I was in England and was walking alone in a small park. Val had passed away, she was gone for a time and had come back to visit me in my sleep, she was telling me how wonderful "Paradise" is... She was meek and quiet and humble as she was telling me what it was like. I don't remember any details of what she was saying, only that she was telling me very interesting things. I told her that I had been reading in the Book of Mormon, the last two verses in the Book of Enos and it reminded me of her so much. 26 And I saw that I must soon go down to my grave, having been wrought upon by the power of God that I must preach and prophesy unto this people, and declare the word according to the truth which is in Christ. And I have declared it in all my days, and have rejoiced in it above that of the world. 27 And I soon go to the place of my arest, which is with my Redeemer; for I know that in him I shall rest. And I rejoice in the day when my mortal shall put on immortality, and shall stand before him; then shall I see his face with pleasure, and he will say unto me: Come unto me, ye blessed, there is a place prepared for you in the mansions of my Father. Amen. She's a funny girl. So dedicated in her love of the Savior. She has a mansion prepared for her. Lately, I've had to tell her to keep up with her pain meds in the doseage prescribed. I think she thinks she should put off the meds until the pain is unbearable. 7 years, 10 months and 22 days... She is strong willed, this girl!

She's Home....

Val's plane landed at 1am this morning... Two hours late... By the time we got home and she got into bed, it was 3:30am... I was up at 5:30am, unable to sleep more. She was worn out from the trip, it was nearly 24 hours of preparation, travel, sit time. To finally be in her bed (I laundered her linens, she loves them fresh!) and feeling peaceful was great. I heard her saying how nice it was to be home, in her bed... She slept soundly until an hour ago... Now she is going with our daughter Marion (who came home to surprise her) for a bite of lunch, and mani-pedi's. She will come home and sleep the balance of the afternoon and evening... I am so happy she feels well enough to do so many normal things... This ring was given to Val by me in 1982... Now Anna is wearing it. Hers was stolen last week... Funny how at my age and where I am in life, "stuff" really doesn't matter much...

She's Coming Home...

This picture is of me with our oldest 5 chicklettes... They've all grown so much! This is circa 2003. Seems like I left London months ago... Seems like I haven't seen Val in ages! She will be home in 23 hours... She's probably getting up soon. Her car is picking her up in 3 hours and 8 minutes... Today I listened to four mothers speak in Church about their experiences being missionary moms (how it felt to have a child gone for 2 years, serving as a LDS missionary) then I went to another chapel and attended a missionary farewell of a friend. My first son left for his mission to Chile 20 years ago. 20 years! My last son came home from his mission 7 years ago! Some days I want my clock to just plain stop! I pray Val can fly home comfortably, getting some rest and being peaceful as she travels. Today was so sunny and pretty. Its raining now though... I am tired and I am anxious tonight. In all I am worried, I guess. I'll feel better when Val is home safely and without pain.

When Two Trains Leave LA & Chicago Where Do They Crush Into Each Other?

Love... There are so many people to love, so many places to love, so many memories to love... When you work hard for something and it finally comes together, yet, you are pierced with the reality that the most important person in your life is dying, the "who cares" perspective about things that are invigorating and amazing, aren't so exhilarating anymore. People say they relate. That they understand. But -- they don't. Not unless you have walked in these mocassins, can you possibly understand. Nothing matters when you lose the person with whom all things matter. I feel like on the one hand things are so wonderful right now... Yet with Val's condition, I find it hard to think much about anything else. Though, I will say, its good that I have such a wonderful distraction. More on this later... The picture is of Josh. Mighty handsome. Easter: April 8, 2012 LATER ON... Remember the math problem about the trains from LA and Chicago heading toward each other where you have the mph, the distances and you get to guess where they would crash into each other. I am finding life more and more is all about that crash! Determining how to stay on the tracks, knowing full well that there is a crash coming. Some engineers would stop, take their lunch bucket, hop off the train and walk on home. Others might frantically send out the SOS signal and hope something someplace can be done. In reality, we are each one of us driving a train toward another one. Life throws things at us that we have absolutely no control over and we don't have a clue about an oncoming train. Then the crash! Now what? All isn't lost. You pick up the pieces and go on. Your own destinations await you. When people ask me about Val. I wish sometimes they would be able to read my mind about all the wonderful things I want to say about her; how Christ like she is, how caring and selfless, how adored she is... I know they mean how is her health, but I want to ignore that and tell all about "her"! How lucky I am! How is she? She is dying. She is mostly living comfortably and her pain is mitigated. She sleeps most of the time. She has a smile that is loving and kind and she doesn't ever think about herself. The world of people who know her, love her. Adore her. I am the luckiest man alive. Each day with her is a gift. She comes home from England in 2 days. Our house will be a home again. For now, it appears the two trains are slowly chugging. That's how she is.

You Must Know...

My dear friends who so faithfully pray for Val and our family, you who come here and read of our experience, you who are so special to us, I am afraid the time has come where Val has asked me to respect her privacy and not be so detailed and open about her condition. I think its mostly her modesty and that she doesn't want people to worry about her or pity her. I am very candid in my approach to life, others are more private. It helps me to release the anxious feelings that build within me to write. I just wanted you to know that if you notice I am not being so thoroughly upfront about things, its for a good reason, Val has asked me to not report so much. This doesn't mean we want surprise visits, a battery of emails and phone calls. I will continue to update and write, just in a different way so that I respect Val's desires. You may surmise that things are downward trending and you would be correct. We give thanks for our Lord and Savior and through Him to our Heavenly Father for all our blessings, but especially for the blessing of time, comfort and peace for Val, our kids and their kids. Thank you so much for everything... I will post again later tonight when I am home. Dan

Happiness Is...

Pursuing Happiness... Am I? I don't know if I am all the time, I would like to think so. Can you have a disagreement, a misalignment of views and perspectives and still be happy? Is happiness about you always being right? Getting what you want? Having everything your way? Winning every game? Trumping or pulling the high card in every situation? Or, can you be happy, perhaps even "happiest" when you give in, relent, succumb, pull away, and live life in a conflict free way? Maybe happiness isn't even something you should pursue? Given the challenges we all face in life, be they physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial... Or maybe even things about us or someone we love and care about that are genetically impossible to change or do anything about... Can we still be happy? I have often written about two doors... that there is always a choice. I want to amend that. Sometimes there is no choice about what you are handed or what is the result of something beyond your control. And, perhaps you, or I, don't have the ability to figure something out, that our personalities or quirks run deeper than mere, "choosing to be a certain way" - maybe we have a disorder, or an impairment that makes it virtually impossible for us to be someone or something is just out of reach and in this life, always will be? Maybe "we" can't choose, but those around us, who love us can? I know a person who is very important to me. She doesn't have the ability to fence in her natural self when it comes to things that heighten her emotions. At some point she will and does calm, but that takes a little time. She has no choice, but I do. I can let this become an issue and blame the none friendship on her, because she is a nut and goofy, or I can be tolerant and caring and overlook this quirky thing that she has no ability or where with all to change in herself. I can still be happy, though very annoyed if I don't catch myself. And she can be happy, because I have placed our friendship "above" my instinctive "selfish" side and just relax. I read once that: "Happiness is a mystery, like religion, and should never be rationalized." (Gilbert K. Chesterton) Like religion... Hmmmm... Perhaps like politics, or anything emotionally charged, felt? Sometimes we feel what we feel and it may not make any sense to anyone else, but to ourselves. I suppose the happiness question becomes, "Is this for me, or a greater good for all?" Wouldn't it be nice to be completely altruistic and thoughtful? What a world we would have is we all lived to that creed! I was asked today about Val. When I simply replied "not well, but very happy..." There was a silence. The man apologized and said he hoped for the best. I said, "Me too..." The "best" can only be in God's care. It will never be in "Dan's" care. Val remains in London with the PKs. I am so glad for her. Thank you all for the prayers and good, kind thoughts and vibe toward her. It is felt. It is ALL welcome and appreciated.

How I Wished For You Today...

I've been home now, alone, working, in this quiet house for 3 days now. The days, they all run together. I have been cleaning up my computers and compiling them all into one enormous file, years of hard drives sunk into one tirabit or triganom or titanticon or other smart sounding word. Actually, maybe I have 2 of them, whatever they are. The rush for me was transferring photos around. Like this one of Val...

I was cleaning today, doing laundry and I wished for Val. Not just to be here... but to be comfortable wherever she is. It is my constant prayer. I was thinking today that London is further away than just about anywhere. It takes about 13 hours to fly there from here. But the "anywhere" I am talking about is how close the "afterlife" is. The next place. The Spirit World. Death is Not the End... Some believe that death is the end or the final destination. I know that death is merely the doorway that leads into the next life. Elder Russel M. Nelson, one of the 12 Apostles who do in fact live today, said... "Life does not begin with birth, nor does it end with death. Prior to our birth, we dwelled as spirit children with our Father in Heaven. There we eagerly anticipated the possibility of coming to earth and obtaining a physical body. But we regarded the returning home as the best part of that long-awaited trip, just as we do now. Returning from earth to life in our heavenly home requires passage through—and not around—the doors of death. We were born to die, and we die to live" ("Doors of Death," Ensign, May 1992, 72.) Death is the separation of our physical body from our spirit. When we die physically, our spirit continues to live and go to the Spirit World. Eventually, the body and spirit will be reunited, never to be separated again. This is called the resurrection. Christendom just celebrated this belief last week during the Easter week. Some such as the greek orthodox are yet celebrating this reality now. I think its ok if you don't buy into this, or even if you do not believe in God. I also think its just great that people have varying views on the macro and micro perspectives on Christianity. We are all brothers and sisters and when we pass from this mortal sphere, we will know, all things will add up. Each day, via the mail, emails, phone messages, trips to the pharmacy (I find it interesting that I am there almost everyday and those people are yet to make any polite conversation with me, thank me for coming "back" or "good to see you again" chatter. On the contrary, they make me repeat my personal informaton right down the zip code!) not an hour or two goes by that I am not reminded of the approaching end of Val's life. 7 years, 10 months and 12 days today. It all goes so fast! And all the while evil around me is flourishing; people taking from other's what isn't theirs... Lying... Hatred... Cheating... Corner cutting... Line crashing... Jealousy... Anger... I guess I shouldn't be so appalled. Its all been prophecied in the last days before the Second Coming of the Lord. I made contact today with someone I met in 1966. She was my buddy's "crush". They were a cute little couple. She said hello to me on Facebook. She still looks the same! Still funny! Still very nice. Happily married. Happy life. I was so glad to hear that. More people should have it a lot better than they do. 46 years, it came, it went, I do not know why this time element goes so so fast! A final thought for today... I have noticed that I spent the first half of my life running the bases as fast as I could. I am spending the second half of my life enjoying the entirety of the game. Who is up next, what the batting order is down the bench, how the field is groomed, the organ music in the background, the smell of the ball park food, I notice those sitting behind me, not just who is in front of me, I am getting to know those a few seats over, not just right next to me, I am watching the LED sign recognize the fan in seat 307, row K, who just turned 90 years old today! And the funniest part is, I am not really a baseball fan. So what does that tell you? When I reach into the metaphor bag and pull out something I have never really liked or enjoyed, yet, I can now savour the senses of it all, I am myself, changing. Appreciating. I think I even heard myself say, "Play Ball"!

Couldn't Drag Me Away...

Home one day now... Quiet, lonely, the house is very still. Val called, but I missed her call. Tried her back, but she must have been asleep. Getting ready for Easter today. I am cooking Lamb (I got addicted in London!) and Chateau Briand. butternut squash, fresh corn on the cob, and lemon moussecake for dessert. I am coloring eggs for Anna's kids to find and will attend Church, have the egg hunt, the family dinner and a dear family friend, Karen Kilowatt is stopping by. I am singing in an Easter Concert called "The Lamb of God" - it is a beautfiul rendition of our Savior's final days, his crucifixtion, resurrection and a wonderful message of HOPE in HIM, our Lord and King. The picture above is of Sonja Begonia giving me my special BooBoo Tattoo. Its still on my wrist now, and I am so proud to have had a sweet loving chicklette give me such a fond gift as I left London. I have looked at it repeatedly today, tonight and thought of my time with those Madsen chicklettes and how sweet and wonderful they are. I am sad they are so so far away. But I will make a more diligent effort to see them more. I am saving my miles for them! Have I remarked lately how blessed I am? I am grateful that Val is feeling well enough to spend time with our children and their children. Its so hard to watch someone go through what Val is going through, but, candidly, I think she is doing it with such amazing grace and poise. Unmatched. Her gentle, loving way toward all others sums her up. A friend called tonight to tell me about a dream that they had had about Val and how when she passed away, the heavens sang with ultimate joy at her coming. That her devotion to Jesus Christ and toward His mission and message is accepted as "Well done, tho good and faithful daughter." This person told me that now she knows why Val has such peace about this process and is so sure of her destiny. It made me think of this song; Wild Horses... Poignantly, verse 2... For I have watched Val suffer, yet she knows that Jesus Christ atoned and suffered so that we might all change our behaviors and desires to become more like Him. Therein is her peace. Therein is the power of her Faith, Hope and her Charity. Childhood living is easy to do The things you wanted I bought them for you Graceless lady you know who I am You know I can't let you slide through my hands Wild horses couldn't drag me away Wild horses couldn't drag me away I watched you suffer a dull aching pain Now you decided to show me the same No sweeping exits or offstage lines Could make me feel bitter or treat you unkind Wild horses couldn't drag me away Wild horses, couldn't drag me away I know I dreamed you a sin and a lie I have my freedom but I don't have much time Faith has been broken, tears have been be cried Let's do some living before we die Wild horses couldn't drag me away Wild horses couldn't drag me away Wild horses, we'll ride them some day

Boo Boos Burger Joint, London...

Another full day in London, rounded down with an early birthday dinner for Stella. I can't believe she is turning "10"! I leave for WA tomorrow afternoon. I wonder what it will be like to get back home and begin the footrace once again with business matters? I haven't being sitting idle, but across the pond is afterall, across the pond! Val has been doing well. I can see her radiate strength anew from being around the PKs and these London chicklettes. All time goes too fast. The weeks become vanishing moments. The months seem like hours in a day. The years slip from my fingers like a row of yesterdays. I guess thats the plan. I guess thats how we learn to appreciate the precious moments we come to experience?

London Dining in the Neighborhood Pub...

I can see what everyone loves about England. I am also proud that my ancestors from centuries ago all hailed from here on my Dad's side. My mom is 1/2 scottish, so I feel the depth of kin here. Everyone seems to look like someone I am related to. Small heads, big noses, teeth too big for their jaws! Just like me! Only, the do not, I repeat, DO NOT, share my sense of humor. I wonder if I even have a sense of humor wandering around here. Tomorrow I am either going to go to South Hampton where the pilgrams set sail, or I am going to bath to see my family's castle. Tomorrow night we will celebrate Stella's 9th birthday, since I won't be here at the end of the month. Ganah is going to take her shopping. Tonight as we were leaving the neighborhood pub an african englishman said, "Hey, go Romney! Get rid of Obama!" I was kind of surprised, actually really surprised. But I guess the economy here is lousy too. This gent seemed to think we need to turn things around. I should have youtubed him. Great fodder and fun! The dryers here are interesting. They extract the water from your clothes as they dry and you have to empty out the water resevoir from time to time. Its a cute little system. I fall asleep at night watching my iPod, with one of several movies I have downloaded on it. Similar to what I do when I am in a hotel when I travel. I have gotten used to walking a lot and plan to keep doing it when I get home. I need to do something or soon I will have servants with palm limbs fanning me and carrying me around in a wheelbarrow or something just as silly. A pal of mine who is 9 days younger than me looks like he walked straight off our high school yearbook pages. I see him running around town all the time and I think, "Geez, good for you!" My knees say, "Hey, don't get any ideas!" I am proud of Kjrsten and Pete and their little family. They love it here and wish to explore this part of the world while here. I don't blame them. Adventure is their middle name. Val slept all day today, except for dinner out tonight. I just changed her pain patch and hopefully tomorrow she will enjoy a comfortable day with us. I can feel all the prayers aimed at her, I love you all for doing that. You're very thoughtful and kind. I wrote this today: "I live and love today, because tomorrow is a sun that needs rise, still. Today is really all I have, tomorrow is a dream. Though, dear yesterday, you were so good to me. I remember you, each of you, in fondness. I can always count on you to remind me of all that is good. Today, I can make something out of you. I can feel you around me. Those with whom I love bask in you, with me, today." PS: I found the salt and pepper shakers online! YAY! So I ordered them and got the notice they were sent. Get this... They were shipped from SQUIM, WA!!! So much for Royal Albert Salt and Pepper shakers! Maybe Albert is really from Washington? TURNCOAT!

London Day 4 Off to Windsor Castle

This sight seing is hard work. I think I need a hip transplant. Might as well do it here in England, I think the medical is free! Off to the Tube, Jubliee Line to the Over Ground Rail, Platform 16 to Windsor. First "Hot Chocolates" (not cocoa, no sir!) for everyone and then we found out Ganah stole an apple! Not really, she thought I paid. But she went back and apologized and gave them the money! We took an hour train ride to Windsor, the Queens castle and her doll house were on the schedule. The town is quaint, and very interesting! The castle sits atop a hill and I keep wondering if Robin of Lochsley was going to come riding up and storm the castle! Instead is was a bus load of people from Korea. Prior to, we had the most marvelous and fantastic lunch I could have imagined here! Or anywhere! Fresh bread! Homemade Mac n Cheese for the chickletes, Val had shepherds pie, Kjrsten grilled basalmic vegetables and I had seared scallops and braised lamb! (Note to self, learn how to cook braised lamb, if it kills me!) And the french fries (chips here) and smashed potatoes were absolutely off the chains! (Which I never say, but I was listening to some tour guides try and say it without the British accents while I was waiting around for everyone.) You know, I really don't understand royalty. I noted thousands and thousands of cut stones, slate roofing, copper gutters and down spouts, stained glass, gargoyles, all fashioned by the calloused hands of peasants and workers from hundreds of years ago. Canon stations surrounding the castle grounds. For what? To protect roylaty? I get leadership. I get democracy. I just don't get monarchy. I wondered about the people who did all the work, for a crust of bread and a mug of grog at the end of the day? I know that my feelings would offend most brits. And ironically, my dad's lineage is laced with this blue blood, here and in the New England colonies. My mother's bloodlines are traced back to the roylaty of Norway. Yet, I don't get it. Maybe if the crown would send me a cheque (english spelling intended) I would fast understand all this stuff? I got sent to the doghouse by Ganah today... I went into a shop and they freaked out thinking I had gone another direction and we were separated for about an hour. So... let this be a lesson to me. Yeah Right! I tried to find some salt and pepper shakers, was hoping they would have one of the King and Queen. Not so. I might have to carve some that look like them. It was a great day. Val did well. Tomorrow she will pay for today. She will have a quiet day. Its so nice to be here with Kjrsten and her little family. Pete's been working really hard on a big presentation for next week. Poor guy. Yet, work is good. Fulfilling. I am missing my work. I hate feeling out of touch. Tomorrow? Well, I still want to see some ancestoral pilgramage things. We'll see.

Day 3 at London 109...

I quite enjoy this trip to London, although I have lost my sense of time, bearings, direction and I think the masses here wish I would also lose my humor. I think I am wearing people out who really aren't used to Yanks being up this close and personal to these English people. Even the panhandlers won't speak to me. I am sure the reason comedy clubs fail here is like my dad used to quote his father, "The English read the funny papers on Sunday and *if* they laugh its on Wednesday." I feel like I am suffocating to death here. Oh well. We are having a good time with these chicklettes. The presented us with a little parody play on Ganah and I - and what their interpretation of our trip here must have been like. Enjoy! My browser is defaulted to the UK, I have no idea whats going on at home. And I am feeling guilty about my poor little midgey going to the doggie hotel. If I was her I would hate me. General Conference yesterday was terrific, just what I needed!